TWITTER GM: Fire Everyone

kevin sumlin

If the personality of Twitter during a live sporting event were a General Manager or overseeing any sports team in a position of hierarchy there’d be no coaches or players left to lead its team to the promise land. Any football coach that falls behind 14-0 in the first five minutes of a game would be fired, any baseball manager that pulls a pitcher one batter to early or one batter to late would be canned, and any head coach of a basketball team that draws up the wrong out-of-timeout play in the final seconds of a game would be left for dead before the buzzer even sounds. Twitter GM is one ruthless son of a bitch. Just ask any quarterback that’s ever thrown an interception, any pitcher that’s given up a long ball or any point guard that’s made the wrong pass at the end of a game.

Twitter might show some love but it rarely lasts longer than one half of a game.

This past weekend Jim Mora of UCLA, Kevin Sumlin of Texas A&M and Butch Jones of the University of Tennessee all got fired by this maniac at some point. It’s probably worth noting that this was the first weekend of the College Football season.

Mora and Sumlin faced off at the Rose Bowl on Sunday night in what was known as the “Hot Seat Bowl.” It came to no one’s surprise that one of these coaches wasn’t going to last on the twitter verse by night’s end. Texas A&M’s commanding 44-10 lead with 4:10 remaining in the third quarter had the Bruins’ Mora buried by Twitter GM with top NFL prospect Josh Rosen his quarterback lying right next to him. One coach was fired and out of a job for life, and his quarterback’s career was a sure-fire bust according to twitter. That same quarterback threw for four touchdowns and 292 yards in the final 15 minutes to overcome a 27-point margin. He was now the leader in the clubhouse for the Heisman trophy, the “Chosen One” and now suddenly Sumlin was the coach that wouldn’t see the light of day ever again. No one is safe. (The much nicer Facebook GM couldn’t even save Sumlin).

The worst quality of Twitter GM is that he does not learn from his mistakes.

The next day Butch Jones played the role of Mora. You’d think twitter would let Jones find his way back from only a 21-7 deficit in the third quarter after what happen the night before, right? Think again. The Volunteers head coach fell behind by 14 points and Twitter GM wanted to toss him to wolves or in the trashcan on his own sideline. Somehow, someway, the Vols forced the game into double overtime after scoring late and blocking a potential game-winning field-goal attempt by Georgia Tech in regulation. It came down to Georgia Tech opting for a two-point conversation instead of an extra point that would’ve tied the game to force a third overtime. The Yellow jackets failed conversion attempt gave Tennessee the 42-41 win and saved Jones job for at least another week according to twitter. Jones has been hired and fired more times by Twitter GM than Billy Martin was by George Steinbrenner at this point.

This is what it’s like playing under Twitter GM. He’s Mr. Steinbrenner on steroids with a hint of Rachel Phelps from the movie Major League in there somewhere. All it takes is one bad game, one bad half or one bad play and you’ll be searching for another day job. Let’s see who this guy fires next, the NFL kicks off on Thursday night and he’ll for sure be watching.


Mayfield Apologizes for Beating Thee Ass

Thee Ohio State University got pummeled by thee Baker Mayfield and the Oklahoma Sooners 31-16 in front of the College Football world on Saturday night and the Heisman trophy frontrunner had to apologize for it.

The No.5 Sooners entered the game as a +7 ½ underdog in this fight per against the No.2 ranked Buckeyes at Ohio Stadium. Both teams were one year removed from Ohio State’s 45-24 blowout win over Oklahoma entering the showdown. If you didn’t believe in extra motivation before then, Mayfield’s performance topped off by his post game savagery would’ve convinced you otherwise.

Mayfield made a defense made up of a handful of future NFL players look like everything but that on this night. He finished the night completing 27 of his 35 passes with 386 yards and three touchdowns through the air. It’s no secret that the senior quarterback can ball considering he was invited to New York City last year as a Heisman finalist. But Saturday night gave him the signature game that could cement him into the hearts of College Football fans forever.

The same way we fell in love with Johnny Manziel for upsetting the hated ones of Alabama in 2012, Mayfield upset the other hated ones but took it step further by planting the Oklahoma flag inside the Ohio State “O” at the 50-yard line afterward. It was a relatable moment for most College Football fans outside of Columbus, Ohio. The overrated were properly taken to pound town as they were last year by Deshaun Watson of Clemson and it’s starting to become a tradition unlike any other. (The announcers appear to be watching a horror film as he plants the flag at midfield).

The fallout of the flag planting was easily predicted on social media. The old farts hated it, the youth loved it. On Monday, of course, Mayfield had to have a press conference to apologize for it. The apology seemed half-hearted, as it should’ve been, it was a harmless act. Ohio State should be embarrassed. Mayfield’s apology was strictly for kicking their ass and gloating in their defeat. In the perfect world, Mayfield ends that apology by taking a swig of a Coors light, this is College Football after all.

What would’ve happen if no apology was issued? Nothing.

Unless Urban Meyer asked for it, there was no need for it. The only people who would’ve been up in arms about it were sitting behind a keyboard in Columbus, OH because this one loss likely takes them out of the college football playoff contention. Mayfield’s act is why we love college sports. We know the apology wasn’t from him, forgive him, it was from some higher up at Oklahoma that hasn’t cracked open a beer in over a decade. So let’s throw one back for Mayfield who might win a Heisman in the near future and ESPN should have to apologize for showing that flag planting on a loop on ceremony night.


Don’t Bet against Judge…Lesson Learned


Does betting on the Home Run Derby make you a degenerate gambler?

The answer is a hard NO. Betting on the Home Run Derby is one hell of a time even if you make the mistake of picking against the guy who’s the heavy favorite. The favorite weighing in at 280 pounds and every bit of six feet and seven inches tall by the name of Aaron Judge. Little did we know he was playing on a field 10x smaller than his counterparts or so it seemed.

Going against Judge didn’t seem as crazy as it does now. All it took was the thought that the big stage would possibly make the New York Yankees rookie tighten up because playing in the Big Apple isn’t already pressure in itself. Don’t forget about Miami Marlins Giancarlo Stanton the other obvious choice, defending HR derby champion, headlining the event in the ballpark he plays in 81 times a year. I passed on him as well. The odds were simply just too good to pass up when it came to picking one of the underdogs in this eight-man competition where you’d think anyone could catch fire.

Here’s five different (losing) bets from Monday night.

Winner: Miguel Sano +600

Winner: Justin Bour +1600

Longest HR of First Round: Cody Bellinger +1100

Exact Finals Matchup: Sano vs Bour +2000

Exact Finals Matchup: Sano vs Bellinger +1200

So these weren’t the worst bets but they clearly weren’t winners either. Marlins’ Justin Bour stole the show for at least five minutes in round one. He hit 22 homers overall, ate a doughnut before his 30 seconds of bonus time and played off the crowd as if he was competing for the WWE’s intercontinental championship belt. This all happen moments before his round one opponent Judge came out and played pepper with the Marlins hideous statue beyond the centerfield wall, ultimately, hitting 24 home runs to eliminate Bour from the competition and two of those bets from existence.

Los Angeles Dodgers’ rookie Cody Bellinger hit some bombs in his dramatic first round matchup win against the Colorado Rockies Charlie Blackmon (15-14) but none far enough to eclipse Judge’s 500-plus foot dingers. Another bet down the drain. My dude from the Minnesota Twins, Miguel Sano, was my only hope. He knocked out Kansas City Royals Mike Moustakas in the first round (11-10) and then eliminated Yankees’ catcher Gary Sanchez (11-10) to advance to the finals.

Two of my final bets hung in the balance, Sano was in the finals, and a matchup with Bellinger would’ve salvaged the day. However, Judge stood in the way. ESPN announcer Karl Ravech didn’t make the Tiger Woods reference until the finals but he could’ve said it felt like the early 2000s Tiger where everyone else is playing for second in that matchup between Bellinger and Judge in the semis. The Yankees’ slugger wasn’t going to lose to anyone. He beat Bellinger with a score of (13-12). There was only one last bet to hold on to. It was a Sano vs. Judge final but I honestly had more confidence in Blac Chyna and Rob Kardashian getting back together than Sano winning at this point. Judge won with a final of (11-10) and made it look as easy as he did the two previous rounds.

That big stage wasn’t big enough to hold down Judge, as most pitchers can’t hold him in the ballpark and most ballparks can’t hold him in the yard. It was a sight to see on Monday night. He made 500-foot homers look effortless while using every part of the stadium to add to his count. This might be remembered as the legitimate come out party for Judge on the national stage or the day that I look back on in 10 years from now, and say, that was the first home run derby I ever bet on as I bet again and lose another five bets in 2027.


Mets’ Flores Appoints Himself as Chief of Baseball Police


The New York Mets have been outscored 30-8 through the first three games of a four game series at Dodger Stadium and currently sit 11.5 games out of first place in the NL East with a piss poor 31-40 record for the lack of a better word. It’s safe to say that this team, two years removed from a World Series appearance, has seen better days.

Mets’ infielder, Wilmer Flores, who was once known for breaking the most unwritten rule in all of baseball by crying on the field took exception to the way the Los Angeles Dodgers’ right fielder admired his work on Wednesday night.

In the fourth inning, Yasiel Puig was at the plate sitting dead red, when Mets’ starter Tyler Pill grooved a 91 MPH sinker in a 3-1 count that ultimately ended up halfway up the left field pavilion for a three-run homer. Puig watched with admiration as the ball took flight and then gracefully made his way around the bases angering a few Mets’ players in the process. Flores had a few words for Puig between first and second base and Mets’ catcher Travis d’Arnaud got in his two cents at home plate approximately 30 seconds later. Even fellow Cuban outfielder Yoenis Cespedes, a showboat in his own right, along with Jose Reyes were seen chatting up Puig between innings.

The Mets decided not to retaliate in Puig’s next two plate appearances but Flores let it be known afterward how upset he was by reverting back to his old ways.

By Flores’ logic, the Mets are playing horrible, so Puig or anyone for that matter is not allowed to play better because apparently you might hurt your opponents feelings by doing so. Flores is playing the worst card possible here. He’s acting like the girl who just got dumped and goes out her way to spend the rest of the night making sure none of her friends hookup with anyone. You know Flores is bitter about how much fun the Dodgers are having, especially at the Mets expense.

The Dodgers have now won 12 of their last 13 games and extended their winning streak to six in a row to take a 0.5 lead over the Colorado Rockies for first place in the NL West. The Mets sit on the opposite end of the spectrum and Flores is making it clear how miserable that entire situation is by trying to bring others down with him. Flores might want to take a look at a few of his teammates before calling someone else out for respecting the game or just take a look at the organization he plays for, the one that decided to sign Tim Tebow for every reason that doesn’t involve baseball.

Puig couldn’t have responded to the entire incident in a better way.

In years past Puig has had his fair share of these incidents but something stood out that made it seem different this time around. Puig kept a smile on his face in the dugout after the home run and seemed not at all bothered by the offense taken by the Mets’ players. Teammates Andre Either, Justin Turner, Cody Bellinger and hitting coach Turner Ward huddled around him breaking out in laughter, instead of a lecture. It seemed as if his actions finally might’ve been accepted, finally, or at least for the time being because winning makes everything better.

Someone just needs to pass that secret on to your newest Chief of Baseball Police, Wilmer Flores.



Dodgers’ Stars Shine on ESPN


The Los Angeles Dodgers 12-0 win over the New York Mets on Tuesday night was win number of 11 in their last 12 games, fifth win in a row and the game was on ESPN for the world to see. By world, I actually mean the West Coast, because god forbid the East Coast have to stay up to watch anyone not donning pinstripes or red sox.

The Dodgers 23-year-old shortstop, Corey Seager, couldn’t care less who was watching. He carries himself as if he’s been in the big leagues for a decade already, Jeter-esque in many ways. The reigning Rookie of the Year finished the night going 4-for-5 with three home runs and six RBIs. It’s the second time in his young career that he’s homered three times in a single game and his fifth multi-homer game overall. Seager had his chance at a fourth home run with the bases loaded in the sixth inning but instead flew out loudly to left field as 47,000-plus fans hopelessly attempted to cheer the ball over the wall. Those fans can’t even be blamed for watching with their hearts instead of their eyes, not right now, not with the way 21-year-old Cody Bellinger is swinging his bat.

Seager’s three-dinger game came one day after Bellinger homered twice on Monday night, the fifth multi-homer game of his career already as he became fastest player in MLB history to reach 21 career home runs in 51 games. It was more of the same on Tuesday after another home run in the first inning, his now NL leading 22nd homer was his 10th in the span of 10 games, becoming the first rookie in history to accomplish that feat and first Dodger to do so since Shawn Green in 2002. This is all happening on the same team that has three-time CY-Young Award winner Clayton Kershaw taking the mound every fifth day. (The fact that America doesn’t approach Kershaw days the same way they do “The Bachelor” as far as appointment viewing goes is beyond me).

The combined age of Seager and Bellinger (44) doesn’t even equal the age of the man at the helm, Dodgers manager, Dave Roberts (45). The Dodgers will play the Mets on Wednesday night again on ESPN and right now there’s no telling what the Dodgers’ superstars might do but what we do know is that the East Coast will probably be asleep for it.

The Teammate Test: Westbrook Or Pedroia?

Laser show

A lot has been said about Oklahoma City Thunder star Russell Westbrook’s press conference with teammate Steven Adams over this past weekend, of course, and you were defending one of three sides on Monday morning, Westbrook, Adams or the columnist. A lot was also made out of the Boston Red Sox and Baltimore Orioles scuffle from over the weekend, leaving us to decide whether or not veteran second baseman Dustin Pedroia handled the situation correctly after his teammate Matt Barnes decided to throw at Manny Machado in retaliation. Two different sports, one common denominator, teammates.

Here’s how the two incidents played out.

Everyone should have an opinion on the topic, we’ve all had to work with others at one point or another, whether you’ve been the one defending a teammate/coworker/friend/sibling/etc., the one being defended, the one being thrown under the bus or the one doing the throwing. Let’s dissect each situation and then decide what type of teammate you are at the end.

Let’s start with Westbrook. The question asked by the columnist was directed at Steven Adams and was most definitely fair (Columnist: +1). Westbrook interrupted the question to defend Adams and the rest of his teammates (Westbrook: +10) ten points for following rule No.1 Sec. 6.09 of the teammate rulebook. Some say Westbrook never let his teammate talk and made sure they mentioned Adams by age (23) before saying he can speak for himself, that’s true, except that same 23-year-old Adams never chose to step up and do so at any point (Adams: -1). The columnist did stand up to Westbrook by responding that he asked Steven the question (Columnist: +1). Westbrook proceeded to hit the reporter with “next question” a few times which is the most elementary way out of a question for any athlete (Westbrook: -1). The columnist genuinely sounded mad towards the end of the clip and didn’t want to give up the microphone until Adams answered his question but Adams never did give in (Columnist: -5; Adams +1). The columnist should’ve been ecstatic about the answer Westbrook gave him, which would’ve been any other reporter’s dream, instead of becoming a part of the story for getting worked up about a quote from Adams that would’ve never seen the light of day. Ultimately, Adams stayed quiet at the right time, respecting Westbrook for having his back in the first place.

FINAL: Westbrook (+9), Adams (+1), columnist (-3)

The Pedroia saga started on Friday night after Machado’s late slide put him on the shelf for the time being. Pedroia never seemed to take exception to Machado’s slide after the game, mentioning that he’s not the “baseball police” and that he didn’t have an issue with anything (Pedroia: +8). The old school approach by Pedroia was well represented after he showed no regard for the fairly new rule on slides at second base. On Sunday, the pitch was thrown by Barnes (+10) in retaliation for the slide except it was near the head of Machado (-9). Barnes had the right idea in protecting his teammate but throwing above the shoulders should be off-limits. This is where the situation gets dicey. Pedroia never publicly acknowledged Barnes for trying to back him in the moment or afterward, even though it wasn’t done correctly by his standards, he’s seen in the clip telling Machado that it wasn’t him and goes out of his way to take the others team side immediately (-5). This is rule No.6 Sec. 0.9 in the DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE section of the teammate rulebook. We don’t know what went on behind closed doors but Pedroia was probably too vocal about his teammates not handling the situation the way he would’ve done it. By the way, who made Pedroia the chief of the baseball police? Barnes never touched on Pedroia’s comments (+2) and denied any notion that he purposely threw the pitch at Machado after the game(+1). The young pitcher kept the situation in-house and bought into the must lie situation about the intent of the pitch.

FINAL: Barnes (+4), Pedroia (+3)

Now, it’s time to pick your poison. What type of teammate are you?

Clearly from the point system used above I see myself as a ton Westbrook, of course, speaking in terms of a teammate and not at all in terms of athleticism, and I’d say I’m more Barnes than Pedroia because I’d never support an opponent over my own.